Ever Fallen in Love With Someone you shouldn't've
by plug in baby57
Summary: Songfic. Oneshot. A dash of Seddie and a good reason for me not to stay up late listening to classic punk.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not iCarly nor the song 'Ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn't've)' by The Buzzcocks.**

_You spurn my natural emotions..._

Spurn – 1. To reject disdainfully or contemptuously; scorn.

2. To kick at or tread on disdainfully.

Surely this is the perfect word for what you do to me. I suggested that we could go see the new galaxy wars movie and you reacted with such disgust, as if the idea were physically repulsive to you. I was showered with your contempt and disdain until Carly forced you to come with us. Then, at the cinema you chose to sit behind me just so you could kick the back of my chair throughout the entire flick.

_You make me feel like dirt...  
_

We get back after the movie and I ask Carly to go on a date, a proper one without you around. She says no and I'm sort of happy. I accepted that she was never going to say yes a while ago but I'd rather keep trying than ask you, there'll be no gentle let down from you, if anything I'll just get kicked again and I don't think I could take a rejection from you. I can keep quiet about this and I'll never have to see you crush my hopes and dreams. I'll never achieve them but then I wouldn't if I did tell you. I know this because of your next put down.

"No one will ever love a dork like you."

_And I'm hurt..._

I get home and my mom goes crazy, thinking I have an eye infection. I go along with it for now. As long as I don't tell anyone why tears are welling up in my eyes, there's no chance you'll find out. You'd have a field day knowing that I was crying, but I can't imagine how you'd abuse if you knew I was crying over you. I'd never hear the end of it and that would make it even worse.

_And if I start a commotion  
I run the risk of losing you  
And that's worse..._

Let's say I do tell you. I could shout it out from the rooftops and what would happen. At a chance of zero, you do feel the same and everything is great from here on out. I'm certain you wouldn't. I could tell you but you won't reciprocate my feelings and things will change. Our relationship as friends/nemeses would be irreparably changed. I'd much rather things stayed like this than lose you altogether.

_I can't see much of a future..._

How would things work if, miraculously, we dated? Our chemistry, or at least I like to think that we have chemistry, is based on conflict. How we would translate into a couple? Would it all be the same, or would we suddenly lose the will to fight on another? If nothing would change, then I can't see any point in trying. If everything changes and suddenly you're not aggressive, abrasive and assertive? Well, then that removes everything that I've come to know as _you_. To me, Sam Puckett is the personification of belligerence and without that, then you'll lose everything I love.

_Unless we find out what's to blame..._

Sometimes I wonder. Why are you so violent towards me. A lot of people say that teenagers pick on people they like. Usually it's boys picking on girls but I suppose you're more violent than most boys so why not? Could this be the reason and if it was, could we work? We might, but I don't think that's the reason. It has to be something about your home life. You never say much about it to Carly and I, but we know it has to be pretty bad. Most of your relatives are career criminals, those that aren't are at least casual criminals, you mom's losing it and your dad left when you were young. I never mention it to Carly but I know, and I think she does too, that something is wrong in your home. Whenever we see you, you're eating but never put on weight. Your mom works the night shift for minimum wage but your clothes are nearly always new when your mom can barely pay the bills. I'm halfway to believing that you've been shoplifting at an incredible rate and that you always eat the food from Carly's fridge because your own is empty. Could your aggression just be natural due to your situation?

_What a shame..._

I can't help but dream of the future. A future where there is an _us._ Where it's Freddie and Sam and there's an idyllic house in the country and we've got a whole pack of little Sam's and Freddie's running around. A future with a family and no worries. That wouldn't happen, even if you did love me. We both grew up in broken homes. You've certainly had it worse but my father left me as well. We both had to grow up with just our mothers but ended up as opposites. Mine might never let me fend for myself, it could get to the situation where I have to sneak out in the night just to go to college. However, your mom has never helped you and protected you when you needed it most. We just can't fit together but I still dream of that house in the country with you, even if I can never make it happen.

_And we won't be together much longer  
Unless we realize that we are the same _

I didn't realise it when I wrote that last part but we're practically the same. We were both dumped in a rubbish situation and came out at either end of the spectrum. My life is one big check list and yours is reckless abandon. Polar opposites but in the end we're products of our insane mothers. You provide me with crazy adventures to break my mom's routine of tick baths and medical inspections. As the opposite I should provide you with a little order, the routine you've never had. Set meal times, some form of discipline and a regular normal activity. I don't. That's why you wouldn't love me. As your best friend, Carly has taken you in and feeds you, keeps you from getting arrested and has given you iCarly, something to do that can keep you on the straight and narrow. I need you, but you don't need me. Why should I hold any pretence that you might love me? I won't be able to help you fix your life, you already did that with Carly. If you do love me then it must be for the sake of love, whereas I probably love you because I need you to make me something near normal. With someone like you, the average would see as a one normal person but of course, you have already set yourself in motion, even if you haven't thought about all this, you've found yourself a place and a person to move you somewhere near a good home. Probably because your childhood was so much rockier than mine, you had to sort yourself out quickly, whilst I sat around fiddling with cameras.

_Ever fallen in love with some you shouldn't've?_

None of that matters of course. I still love you. I half suspect I was simply over-dramatising it, looking too deep and trying to rationalise the irrational. The truth is, I've fallen for you and I had no reason to. I really shouldn't love you. All you've done is give me abuse and trouble and now I've fallen in love with someone I shouldn't've.

**A/N**

**I don't really like this. I was up at about two this morning trying to work on 'iHate sport' and 'You grew on me' (which might also be Seddie, I haven't thought that far). I was largely failing, so I went on youtube and started listening to old Buzzcocks songs and thought I should do a quick song fic. I think it shows that this was done quickly and I was tired. It's all a bit too much of a ramble, really. And quite angsty. I wouldn't have uploaded this but I'm not sure whether I'm going to get anything else up any time soon, so I thought 'Why not?' I was also quite excited to find out that an archaic meaning of spurn is 'to kick'. It's not as exciting as defenestration but it's just a little something.  
**


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